[This is normally the point where Ellie would make some joke about, say- the most successful homicidal maniacs looking and acting like totally normal people. But that hits way, way too close to home right now.]
... I know you've. Been in the military and stuff. But did you ever have to do something like that? Put somebody down?
I think... it changes you. When you live with everything trying to kill you. And then when you get back to a place where you're safe, you've still got that fucking thing in the back of your head that still thinks you're there.
[ That one isn’t quite so easy to answer. Well, it is, but he’s not sure he wants to. Because what he experienced in the war zone is something he seeks, quite often. Something he needs a steady doze of.
If Ellie is trying to remove it from her life … That’s better. ]
Sort of.
[ More like he feels a very distinct lack of it. A hollowness. ]
Mostly I come home from work expecting there to be some new body part in the fridge even if Sherlock’s not here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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A cannibal? Seriously?
[ Grimace. ]
Especially fuck him. He deserved it.
[ John you’re talking to a teenager. ]
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... thanks.
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You're welcome.
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That wasn't so hard.
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... I know you've. Been in the military and stuff. But did you ever have to do something like that? Put somebody down?
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[ With anyone else, he might be hesitant about answering honestly. It's easy to answer her, though. It won't change anything between them, he knows. ]
I was in the field. If I had to defend anything ... Or anyone. I did.
[ He pauses, and swallows. ]
Friends, too. If they were done for. So they didn't have to suffer.
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[Quiet, while Ellie pulls in a deep breath.]
I think... it changes you. When you live with everything trying to kill you. And then when you get back to a place where you're safe, you've still got that fucking thing in the back of your head that still thinks you're there.
D'you ever get that?
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If Ellie is trying to remove it from her life … That’s better. ]
Sort of.
[ More like he feels a very distinct lack of it. A hollowness. ]
Mostly I come home from work expecting there to be some new body part in the fridge even if Sherlock’s not here.
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[She gives a laugh, a little puff of sound.]
Are there ever any?
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No. Thank god.